The second coming of christ - ballolz

Apparently Jesus has arrived again.  His name is Serge Tarov and he speaks only Russian, lives in the sticks of Siberia and used to be a traffic cop.  Amazingly, he has over 10,000 followers worldwide (and growing), many of whom have given him every penny in their name; this includes full pensions and retirement funds.  In return they get flour, wheat and sugar.  Everyone in the community is a vegan and are given an allowance of $12/month (the most devout followers who live at the foot of his hill).  I don't know what the point is since there's nothing to spend it on.

They abolished Christmas celebrations and moved the holiday to August, celebrating Serge's birthday.  They also started a new calendar beginning the year of his birth - he's 48.  Every Sunday his followers hike two miles up a steep hill to greet him and bow and worship, etc.  After several hours they trudge another two miles down the hill to continue farming and reading the bible.  Jesus has a 4-wheeler parked in the back of his house - lolz.

When pressed for answers about Judgement day and the meaning of his return, he didn't really have much to say.  Bottom line is Jesus looks like a total pussy and I could undoubtedly take him - be it fists or feet.